Silent Saturday

I call it "silent Saturday". The day after and the day before! But, for the disciples it was just "the day after". The questions/fear/agony of watching your best friend die. I can only imagine what this day was like for them. Some getting together, talking it out. Crying. Angry. Confused. And, , of course, I think most  about the women were doing/thinking. Especially Jesus' mother and Mary Magdalene.  A sleepless night on Friday night. Not wanting to eat or fix any food as they were distraught. Sickened almost to being physically ill.But,there were people to feed and life had to go on. I can imagine if I had been there not wanting to even do the simplest things such as making a meal. But, everyone had to eat. So, began the routine task of making bread. Mine would've had a saltier taste with my tears falling into the dough. I imagine myself taking that ball of dough and slapping it as hard as I could on the table---in anger/frustration/disappointment/sadness.Throwing that bread down over and over as a physical act of frustration and pain. And grief. So much grief! Also I can imagine that if I  were there just "chomping at the bits" to get to the tomb. To gather the spices and ointments for the body. Not wanting to prepare His body but at the same time wanting to touch His hands once more. Stiff and cold from death , and , now, those precious hands that healed so many, filled with blood and gaping holes.

But, most of all, I can imagine the children and their questions .  And the adults trying to give some answer as to why this incredible man who loved them so was crucified. But, knowing children, not understanding that death is final. No more Jesus running around throwing them in the air. How would they explain that?!  And so many children loved Jesus! It is said that this Man loved them.They were always trying to get to him and the disciples would try and "Shoo them away". But, Jesus would tell them:"let them come!" ( I love the King James version of the verse Matthew 19:14:
"But Jesus said, Allow little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."
I just bet he was a "child magnet". Jesus. Laughing with the kids. Opening his arms wide and letting them all jump all over Him. Chasing them around the city. Listening to them. Healing them. Talking to them. Making flower bracelets for the little girls. Throwing stones across the lake with the boys. Yes, Jesus' death affected EVERYONE, but the children, especially, were probably all devastated and confused.But, just maybe, they understood better than everyone else did that they WOULD see Him again. Children. They get it sometimes when we adults do not.

Last night was the "Good Friday" service at church. Somber as we walked in. I was thinking to myself that it was like I was going to a funeral. And, in fact, that's exactly what we were doing.  A large wooden cross was placed before us with a crown of thorns on top.  We would venerate the cross in our own way. (kneeling/standing/praying there).In our bulletin was a blank sheet of paper. (the dreaded "note of confession" to symbolize that Jesus did, indeed, die for all our sins upon the cross and blank so that , if we wished, we could write down what was heavy on our heart). I groaned to myself as I knew what this was. Even though I am ALWAYS confessing my sins, this was different because I had to write down the word(s).  there were buckets placed there, on each side of the cross,that collected the papers.Of course, you didn't have to write anything down if you didn't want to , but I knew what mine was before I walked into the chapel and was ready to be free from it. Maybe. But, the question was: did I really want to "give up" that sin? It's one I like to hold on to, actually. It's a "leverage sin" for me. One that doesn't crop up that often, but when it does, I like to use it. Strange, how certain sins become your "friend". You hate the sin but you use it when you need it. Know what I mean? So, with much trepidation, I wrote it down. And folded that square about fifteen bazillion times until it was "itsy bitsy" tiny. Just to make  absolutely sure nobody saw MY sin. Most people just folded their "sin" paper in half. Not me! I wanted mine REALLY folded up. Because I was ashamed someone would see it. And I can imagine those buckets felt like they weighed a ton as they carted them off to be destroyed after the service. I've heard that has happened  before--especially during Emmaus Walks! Those little slips of paper, burdened with the sins of the writers, were so heavy to lift some needed help lifting the baskets ! Amazing the sins people carry. I am no exception...

After that, the service included some beautifully haunting songs as we sat in the silence of the church with the altar that had been "stripped" at the Maundy Thursday service. The priests wore black as did the Deacons.It continued in it's very sad and purposely so, way.No "passing the peace". No happy squeals when you see friends. Just sadness as we took Holy Communion from the reserved sacrament (presanctified bread and wine. I am learning all these new words , being a new Anglican! And, btw, loving it)...
So,I ask, who can be happy at a service that commemorates the death of the One who saves you? It's hard as you know. It's hard to say good-bye to anyone who dies. But, imagine saying goodbye to Jesus had you known Him?????

Tonight is the Easter Vigil!  I was asked to make photos for what the Anglican church calls the "Vigil of the Resurrection". (I attended one service like that , years ago, with Mr. Fry, at St. Michael's. But have forgotten what all it is. So, I'm excited). The church starts off in darkness and ends in the light of Easter. (does that mean it lasts till midnight? Not sure! But, most likely,the church will be gradually getting more light in the chapel as the service goes on until the ringing of the bells that shows that "dawn"has broken and that Jesus has risen!). 
 I'm  just so excited/ glad I've been asked to be the "official photographer" for tonight!  (Several people are being baptized and several children are having their first Communion tonight as well). So I get to get right up to the front and see faces and make beautiful snapshots of this very time, in the life of the church and the lives of the members! 
Yes, tonight's service is also called the "Christian Passover"! And I really can't wait! I'm ready to throw off the dark and sin and move forward!  And I loved reading in our bulletin that "they mystery of an instrument of death {the cross}, being transformed into a symbol of life". The somber/sad mood of last night will be replaced with the coming of the Light. And with that comes amazing freedom....
So, tonight, whether you're at a Easter Vigil or not I have a suggestion. Sit in silence. Embrace the darkness but don't fret about staying in the darkness. Hold on. The LIGHT is coming.......

"He endured the nails the spitting, vinegar, and spear and reed;
From that holy body broken blood and water forth proceed
Earth and stars and sky and ocean, by that flood from stain are freed". (from "Sing, My Tongue, the Glorious Battle": public domain)

Today you may be in the dark, but tomorrow comes light, my friends!

 #holdonHeiscoming #donotstopnow #keepwalking #hopeisinthemorrow #theLIGHTiscoming