When Mimi was hanging between life and death, I just wanted to jump in her realm and ask her what she was seeing. But, even if she could have, she probably could not have explained it to me. It's kind of like having a baby. I remember asking everyone I knew what it was like to go through labor. Some said "horrible. But, then would add," it's over quickly". Others said, "the worst pain ever to get the best gift ever". And most said, "I can't explain it to you. But you'll know the minute it comes". How true! I remember, especially when labor started with Michael. I had already given birth (11 months earlier! LOL!) but already the extreme pain was dim in my mind. But, the minute the contractions started , I remember screaming "OH MY GOSH! I remember!" It's something you remember so vividly and at the same time, the pain is gone (PTL). But, the joy afterwards far exceeds the extreme pain you suffered at the time.
Sometimes I think the same is true of life in general! You are going through a terribly painful time and , while you're in it, you feel consumed by it. But, looking back, you see the hand of God all over it. That's how I felt during "the accident".
It was June 24, 1985. We were a family of 6, soon to be a family of 7. We had just returned from a trip to the beach. Destin, specifically. It was a hard week, I remember that.( I didn't know it at the time but I was very anemic). No wonder I could hardly walk from the beach to the condo! I remember trying to carry Patrick (who was 18 months old at the time) , walking thro the brilliant white (HOT) sand, barely able to put one foot in front of the other, to go to the long STAIRS and up and up and UP, holding a sweaty baby boy who didn't want to leave the beach. I was struggling but didn't want to pull the "poor pregnant girl card" so I just smiled and huffed and puffed. Got to the condo and fell on the couch in a heap. Praise God Patrick was exhausted, too, b/c we fell asleep. All I wanted was to leave the sand/sea and heat and get home. The next day we did get home. It was the usual morning of washing dirty vacation clothes and I realized I had NOTHING to feed my four children! After Laura got there, I told her I was going to the store, I was going to leave the kids and head to the store. I remember grabbing Patrick and starting down the basement stairs. As I was halfway down, I realized, DARN iT! I had left his carseat in Terry's car! But, then, decided to see if he had left it in the basement. what I had forgotten , in my preggo brain, was where I was standing on the steps. I THOUGHT I was on the bottom step. But, in reality I was halfway down the long basement stairs. So, when I went to take what I thought was my last step, instead I was stepping into AIR.
Have you ever been in a situation where you are fixing to be hurt and you know it? For a mini split hair of a second, I knew. I knew that something was going to happen and I had no way of stopping things. As I stepped into air, holding my precious baby boy, I did what anyone would do, I tried to cradle him from the fall that was coming. In the air, I prayed "GOD HELP ME". And then.
I remember slamming on the concrete floor. The cold hard concrete. Patrick was screaming. I was terrified he was hurt. More terrified that he was hurt than worrying if I was. Before I hit the ground I had heard a pop. The most horrible sound I'd ever heard. It was my ankle. The weight of my 7 month pregnant body plus holding Patrick, made for the worst possible shift in weight on my right leg. And then, the impossible.I heard another pop. The OTHER ankle. It happened so fast. Patrick was screaming and I remember looking at the way my foot was turned the wrong way.Natalie was screaming over and over as she was right behind me, bless her! And waves of nausea like I've never experienced overwhelmed me. I knew I was hurt. And hurt badly. But, my first concerns were Patrick and the unborn baby . Patrick was screaming and the baby didn't move. I was paralyzed with fear. Was I fixing to lose both my babies at once?
Fast forward. Too many details to write about and even thinking about them now, cause me lots of anxiety and stress. Even to this day! You see, I didn't want a 5th child! I had cried for 7 months that I was having another baby. Our lives were perfect, you see . (ha!). I had my little family of 4. I couldn't handle another thing. And then.....the pregnancy test. I FLIPPED. Like flipped OUT. I cried and cried. I was mad. I was mad at God. I truly remember raising my fist and saying to God, "I don't WANT another child! Why didn't you give this one to a person who can't have children?!". what I thought and felt was terrible. I was furious. Mad. Didn't take my vitamins. Refused to even acknowledge that I would soon be a mom to 5. Selfishly, I just ignored it all. Until I was lying on the cold, concrete floor of our basement.
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| This was the first time I stood without holding on to the walker and the people in the background were screaming "HOLD ON!" |
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| Daddy built a special BOX for me to put my foot in so that Patrick couldn't touch it! LOL |
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with my WALKER  |
BUT, you see: I did not know/ my mind could not conceive of all that God had planned for me with the birth of our 5th baby. Our beautiful/ black haired/ rosy cheeked/gorgeous baby girl.
It was a long 2 months. Maybe I'll write about it later. But, for today, let me just write that I did indeed suffer 2 badly broken ankles. The right ankle required major surgery. It was rough is an understatement. But, God was with me the whole time. PRIOR to my accident/DURING my accident and AFTER my accident. Kind of like labor pains, I have kind of forgotten the INTENSE pain I had before/after surgery. but I know it was there. PRAISE GOD He gave me a gift in Katie. I had that to look forward to during my long recovery. I had a PRIZE at the end of it that kept me focused. The baby I did NOT want was suddenly the baby who saved my life.
We cannot imagine all that God has for us. Especially during difficult times. Now I look back to 1985 and I don't think, "OMG, that's when I broke my ankles". I look back and say, "That was the year God blessed us with our 5th baby. Our miracle baby". YES, Katie knows the story. (haha). She knows ALL about it. And she knows , without a doubt, that she was part of God's plan to complete our family. That she was my miracle that kept me from falling apart while having 2 broken ankles/4 kids/a dog and a husband who had a brand new job. I couldn't "See around the corners" ,then, but as I lay on the concrete floor, I trusted the One whom I loved. To heal my babies. To keep them both from harm. And , in time, to fully heal me and bring me back into the fullness of life. And, not only did He do this, He blessed us with baby number FIVE.
This past Sunday, one of my dear friends in church had a cane. I asked her why she was using it and she started telling me, "you know I broke my ankle a few years ago and I still have so much trouble with it". All the thoughts I had during that time came back in a rush. the pain. The trying to learn to walk again (try THAT while being 7 months pregnant!). I know pain. It was a different pain than labor pain. This pain stayed around for awhile. But, God is SO gracious, that by the time Katie was 2 months old I was walking without a walker again. But, the 4 months I couldn't walk , I have never forgotten. And I am eternally grateful. And, as I hugged my friend, I whispered "I know EXACTLY what you're going through". And I do.
Today I try to imagine what God has prepared for me and then I just let it go and trust. I trusted in Him when I had 2 badly broken ankles, 4 kids, and 7 months pregnant. And He blessed me beyond what I could EVER have imagined. And I know there is much more joy to come.
#pregnantbrokenankles #having5kidswithbrokenfeet #Godwasthere #GodIShere #Katiegift #Godhaspreparedsomuch4me #Godhaspreparedsomuch4you #carryontowardsEaster
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