Just thinking out loud....

 Well, here it is , Jan.4, 2011 and already I've started making LISTS. I love to: LIST- MAKE! I like to write down things all the time that I need: 1.at the store 2. craft projects 3. things I want to do this year. Kinda weird, I know, but that's just ME. I do have some things I want to do! Another thing I want to do, not really a "thing", nor "project" but something that I need to do for ME......
 I am a pretty busy mom/grandmommy/housekeeper/blah blah blah-(like, who isn't???),  but what I have come to realize that  when it comes to the end of my life, there won't be any LISTS left to complete and no more projects left to do.  And to be perfectly honest, that scares me. Because making lists kind of defines who I am (that and my CALENDAR and WATCH!).So, what will I have? My family, (God willing) ,and friends but what else?  MEMORIES of days past and scrapbooks to help me remember? But, what of ME? What will my inside and raw, naked self look like? My JANICE LOUISE POWELL FRY soul?  If I really push the envelope, I will have to think about myself, stripped of all as I stand before the Throne. Now I'm not trying to get all hokey and mamby pamby and all religious on you ,but think  about it for a minute. We all strive to GET the BEST/have the MOST/have the most: money/grandkids/jewels/beauty/beautiful kids-grandkids and  everything else you see advertised on T.V.!! And, to a certain degree, that's all good and great BUT what does it do for us in the end?  The  "I've got one  up on you" just ain't cuttin' it with me anymore. Truth is, I could care less, to be honest. Do: the most/have the most/grab all you can while you can (sounds like an old Budweiser commercial)! But in the END it is just YOU. ME. ME and YOU stripped of all we have.You know, kind of like when we arrived in this world? All naked and laid out in all our naked glory to family and friends? LOL! No jewels/no cars/no iPads/no beauty contests/no college degrees/no cameras/no iPods/no fancy clothes/no bank account/ no calendar (how will I know what to do on what day?)/ no WATCH/no cell phone/no craft room/no Apple  COMPUTER (OH MY GOSH, and I just bought one! LOL)!!!!  . In the end, it all counts for nothing. I mean, it counts for something in the NOW but on that day when we do stand before Him, that is what I'm talking about. The saying "you can't take it with you" is true!  What DOES count is what is left inside the shell of yourself. THAT counts for EVERYTHING. Hey , I'm preaching to the choir now! LOL!!!! I guess, my being in the late 50's, I am realizing even more now, that all that STUFF doesn't make me one teensy/tiny bit happier! (well, the Apple Computer does! LOL!). Now I'm Not talking about my family now (well most of them!)! LOL! Of course, I love my grandkids and my kids and I'm thankful and proud of my hubby for giving me a nice house and money to live on but I'm talking about at the END of the road.  I've come to realize that in the END, it will be JUST LITTLE OLE ME standing before God and ME saying to the GREAT I AM:..."I hope you have mercy on me! Just a little? I tried!" But have I? I seem to find so many other things to do every morning, when all God wants is just a few minutes with me. I don't think God minds us having nice things, that's not what I'm talking about here, don't get me wrong, but what I am referring to is putting money in our SPIRITUAL BANK ACCOUNTS. That's the only "money" that's gonna count! I know God wants us to have nice things, but my problem is, sometimes those things are stumbling blocks to me. I am not about to go and sell my brand new APPLE nor my car or anything else, BUT what CAN I do, is my question I ask myself. Sometimes I get it right! Most times I fail miserably. Sometimes I do a lot of study  and I really do pray every morning, but my mind so many times is flying by so quickly I know God Himself even has a hard time keeping up with my thoughts/ prayers!  I sure find time for FaceBook or Emails, why can't I spend more time with Him??? I find time for shopping/grocery shopping and cleaning the house and even making my LISTS. But do I really take enough time to sit and LISTEN and ask God what He wants of me? WHAT ABOUT GOD'S LISTS FOR ME??? I don't know.BECAUSE I'm so busy I don't take the time to see what is on HIS LIST for me. I know I have the resources to figure it out! His Word is the number one resource!!! But, I have so many other things that keep me from doing it. I really see my life slipping as grains of sand, and I'm beginning to get panicky!!! Really I have so much I want to do, and so little time to do it all. And I don't mean buying stuff. I mean making journals for my grandkids/writing and telling them about me, their great grandparents and my faith. Encouraging them. Isn't that really all that matters? I am tired of spinning on the hamster wheel and am ready for meatier stuff!! For my children/my grandchildren and even me. And some days I get so FIRED UP FOR JESUS I just fly like the wind with joy and anticipation. Other days I feel overwhelmed with life and family and feeling as if I can never measure up and I complain. Like those Israelites that complained in the wilderness. Ever feel that way? Ummm, yes! We all do!!!!! So, yes,  I feel like a chameleon sometimes. One day I feel one way--all fired up for God and the next I'm slumping back into old hurts and issues with  certain people that seem to overwhelm me.  I know it's the devil who sends those negative, thoughts but to be perfectly honest  (and human!) some days I'm just weaker than others!  Tonight as I prayed, God just told me that I am ME. He made me who I am, just like He made YOU who YOU are. He created us , perfectly,  but our human natures caused us to become broken/selfish and sinful. Thankfully, He sent Jesus to intercede for us and take upon HIMSELF all those imperfections in ourselves. I tell you, it is a process , every day for me to remember that! One little word from someone that is hurtful to me sends me over the cliff! HAHA! Thankfully, the Good Shepherd has that STAFF and He reaches down in that valley, in that "Jan Dark Valley" and pulls me out, cleans me off and sets me on the right path. Sometimes I stay on the right path and sometimes, I veer off. Thankfully, that Shepherd is always  watching me. So, as I THINK OUT LOUD, I hope something I've written might remind you of where you're going in 2011 and maybe you, too, can join with me to be more intent, not of things of this world, but things we can leave behind for the world to come.  Don't forget, the Good Shepherd aka Jesus,  has His staff after you, too! Not to beat you with it, ha ha, but to gently bring you back if you've wandered away.....

For me, I have already decided some things I'm leaving behind and some things I'm going to try and TAKE UP in 2011. Like being a better steward of God's money/spending more time in study and also less time worrying about what others are thinking or doing(this is a big one for me! ).  I truly want to stand before God one day  SMILING and not worried about all the things I SHOULD have done  (maybe this is the Methodist in me, but I see the GRACE vs. God's JUDGEMENT on the last day) and I hope there are those things I have done that were decent and good that will also be rewarded. I just don't want to be standing there, in front of Almighty God worrying about the stuff I left behind. Cause I have a feeling there's going to be lots of BETTER stuff in HEAVEN than we can EVER imagine. Stuff of God! I have a feeling I'm going to be making lots of "heavenly scrapbooks" and who knows? Maybe God needs a "HEAVENLY PHOTOGRAPHER", too!

 Lots to ponder as I THINK OUT LOUD..........

Blessings, reader. May you THINK OUT LOUD today and see if there is anywhere/anything God is urging you about as well.... (and if this ain't a preachy blog today I don't know what is! LOL!) HUGS

Below are RANDOM pix (that go along with my A.D.D.), and I mean REALLY random,  but I guess you'd say "pieces of me". Hmmm, interesting,dont' you think?