There were others there-- Friends who have moved/ changed churches as well---Chris/ Phyllis/Cindi and Rich / Dale and several friends who still attend church there as well. Most current members there did not know Kathy, most likely, as it has been 17 years since she first started going there and has been gone from Ala. 12 years but there were still several there who knew her well, also. Getting ahead of myself, but as Rich mentioned when he spoke, "Kathy has been gone from this church for 12 years. And look who is here. What a testimony to her life. And a testimony to yours. As you are here as well". Powerful words.
After hugs and welcoming we went into the church. At first it felt almost uncomfortable b/c we had been hugging and chatting and smiling and now we were at the task at hand. I sat on the front row between Phyllis and Chris.( Chris--you might know him from WDJC--he and Roxanne have the morning show every morning on the radio). Chris knew Kathy well, too. Sitting by Phyllis was comforting as well. We both sniffed and hugged and cried with her sweet husbands arms reaching around to both of us the entire time
....We sang a couple of songs . then, one by one, several of us spoke. (well, duh, of course I did). I took notes from my blog entry yesterday, actually. Sometimes when I'm talking I might forget something I really meant to say or go off on a random tangent. (who me?). So , I read AND talked. It wasn't easy, but this wasn't an easy evening...
Hearing different people talk about Kathy was so interesting and heartwarming and enlightening. and sad. So very sad.
Chris was first up and he mentioned that at the time, he was doing video taping, etc. at Discovery. He was our "video tech" guy when all this video stuff just began 19 years ago. "I can only imagine" was the hit song then. Kathy wanted to dance to it and go to different parts of the city and make videos as she danced. We all laughed b/c we knew this was probably SOMETHING ELSE, having to go to venues and video over and over again! (Dale chuckled and said "if I ever hear once more, "I can only imagine", I used to say, (because of so many "takes" and re-takes they had to do)", it would be too many!"! lol! But, man! was it worth it!...I had forgotten about THE VIDEO. After making it (and like I said, it must have been something else to produce) ,what she wanted to do was dance and have the video going that they had filmed at several different venues ,on the huge screen behind her. Now, think back! this was 20 years ago! Discovery was truly one of those churches that was on the media exploration forefront. I believe, more than likely, DUMC was one of the most advanced media churches at the time, out there! It was a new thing and it was exciting to debut & see each week as Chris went over and beyond with his expertise in that field--bringing all kinds of videos into our Gathering Place....And, we watched, this particular Sunday, we thought that the video was "live"--in other words he was just filming her and it was showing up bigger on the big screen . But no. She was so incredibly talented that she matched her movements so well, we all THOUGHT it was live. Suddenly, she was dancing on the screen--- outside. And then in another place. And another. And she was keeping the movements in perfect synchronization. AMAZING. And beyond moving. Needless to say, every mouth dropped open and not a face without a tear at the end. And, it was when she was dancing, she was free. Free of pain. Free of heartache and loving her Jesus. And she brought us all into that realm with her.
And, also, as usually happens, you hear things about someone you knew that you never knew before at nights such as this. Another, among many others, of those insights came from Dale. Our former minister. He really was the one who counseled and pastored (is that a word?) , Kathy so well. She had soooo many issues and trying to recover from abuse as a child as well as many other things she was going thro at the time. He spoke of how he felt that her breakthrough came right there at the altar where we were last night. At the altar of God. Finally, she was being free of demons and her past. Not that she would ever totally recover from the pain , but that she could move on. It took years, people. And then Dale said how shocked he was to hear the news. That at first he didn't believe it. He said he talked to strangers at her church in Tucker, Ga. and told them he was her former pastor and wanted to know how and what had been doing. She had been doing great things. As he said last night, she was the "underdog". So she always was helping those people who had been given a bad hand "in their deck of cards", not unlike herself. She was helping teach dance to those with disabilities. She had such a tender heart.
Another insight from one who knew Kathy well, also. She was her teacher at Hoover High school as WELL as her Sunday School teacher. Yep, dual roles-- she was her English Teacher/SS teacher. Kathy had some serious learning disabilities. And Becky told how she would spend hours going over "the Scarlet Letter" texts and what it meant and how to try and explain it to Kathy. She said one day that Kathy was having a super hard time and they were at school and Kathy was getting frustrated with an assignment and she said Kathy just shook her head and said, "can we just pray about this right now?". Becky said they were at school (where you're not supposed to pray ! ) and she said she said "sure!" She also said that Kathy helped HER, a young 23 year old teacher learn about Jesus. So, she said, "She taught ME more than I taught her".About her hearing the news of the fire--- She said that she never gets on social media at school but it was 3:30 and I checked her FB posts and there it was. The horrific news. And she ended with "our relationship began in the classroom and how ironic that I would find out the news , in a classroom, at school all these years later".
Rich and Dale both talked about the struggles Kathy went through and that she overcame so much . We all said that what she always dreamed of was being married with children. She ADORED her little girls. Jana mentioned how she would grab her daughter the minute she would walk into church and it was almost as if she wanted to give other children (and later on, her own), the love she never had as a child. She looked to us as her parents. Her guiding role models. Her support system. And, we, as members of Christ's Church, embraced her and pointed her to her Healer, Jesus Christ. She loved Jesus! Loved Him! Didn't mind telling people. She danced for Him. We laughed when Chris said, "She loved to sing. Couldn't sing well but we just let her anyway. "! She also wanted to do anything/everything at the church. She greeted people. She loved on the children. She taught them to dance. And yet she was still going through extreme distress, so much so, that she even would cut herself. Was anorexic. Had no support system at home. Her parents didn't attend church, but somehow she found Discovery. Was searching endlessly for love and acceptance. And guess what? She found ALL that at Discovery. which I believe catapulted her on to healing and finding her husband. and going on to live the life God intended, by blessing her with 2 little girls whom she was totally obsessed with. Phyllis and I both mentioned, almost at the same time, that she could not have lived had her children died. So, that they went together, was all the more poignant.
We "circled up" for prayer. As in the past, we did that often. I do miss circle prayers, I admit it. Anyway, we circled up and if you felt led, could pray. Heartfelt prayers and tears. And hugs. And, I told Phyllis, "this might sound morbid, but wouldn't Kathy have LOVED this?" She said, "I was thinking the exact same thing".
So there you have it. I feel those of us , here, in B'ham , specifically at DUMC, have put Kathy/girls in God's Hands (where they have been anyway). Dale said he has struggled a lot with it, even as a pastor. That he, himself, a pastor, has struggled with their deaths since Kathy was one who suffered so greatly, to have left in such a horrific way so soon. As I thought about it on the way home, I felt comforted by Dale's words. He's a minister of God but he's human. He's not questioning God's omnipotence, at all, he's just struggling. And asking God to help him deal with this also. Because we all have questions of "why" sometimes. Even ministers who study God's words daily and preach on them. But, in the end, Dale said that we have hope in Christ. Yes we do. And we will see her again some day. I know , personally, that I feel like this is another puzzle piece in my faith journey. That "piece" being Kathy/her girls. I'm trying to fit the puzzle piece in my life story and I'm having a hard time getting it to fit. But it has it's place. I've just got to keep searching. This piece of the puzzle is one I might not even find until I, too, am walking with Jesus. Then I will understand. Then I will say. "OHHHHHH! Now I get it! My puzzle is complete! " No puzzle anymore. Just a complete picture with no missing pieces. And then-- I will smile.
love u all.
Ending with a song I had NEVER heard before until yesterday. This sounds all hokey but I was making cards in my craft room and listening to Pandora and this song came on. I'm just going to post the words below. Yep. Gift from God to me. and maybe to you.
#carryon #40days #makeadifference
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