Day 26 Lenten Journey

Part 3 of "Carter's Journey"

After Carter was (finally) back from his dangerous fog filled seizure days in the hospital , a doctor came in to talk to Katie/Jon about options. Like, an "option" of NO MORE SEIZURES. Who wouldn't jump on those vs. medicines?? But, it came with a price, this alternative. It meant a whole new lifestyle for Carter and the rest of the family. It was all about THE FOOD. What went into Carter's mouth for at least the next 2 years. He presented them with "the KETO diet".  This diet, he said, "can get him off of all medicines {which is our goal }and NO MORE SEIZURES". This sounded too good to be true. OF COURSE, they  jumped right on it. But, it was going to be hard. BRUTAL is more like it. Because most of Katie's day would (and does) consist around Carter's food. They emphasized that the diet had to be followed to the letter! that even ONE GOLDFISH could send him back into seizures.  It was such a shock to see the list of foods he would eat. High fat. Lots of BUTTER. BACON. Whipping cream. ALL natural/organic cheese/eggs/ mayo. Nothing left to chance. It had to be followed to a "T". It was mind boggling to Katie/Jon as they tried to figure it out. But, Katie and Jon are a super parent "team" and it didn't take long till they were using that scale to weigh every bite/ figuring out how in the world to get him to try it and go through the last 2 months of pregnancy and with a little diva 2 year old girl. It was hard, let me tell you. And I was only on the "outskirts" as an encourager/ pray-er/ sound board. Those days leading up to ketosis were brutal. BUT, GUESS WHAT????? only a few days into the diet---seizures were slowing to the point that by about day 4, they were gone. YES. GONE. To get more details on how the diet works go here:
http://www.webmd.com/epilepsy/the-ketogenic-diet

In a nutshell (if I can even begin to put it in a nutshell!), Carter's life  (as he knew it) would change dramatically. Beginning with the smallest (or largest) thing. NO MORE JUICE. Carter was obsessed with juice. And to even do this "small" change, for starters, was huge. Almost immediately Katie said "I can't do it". Notice I wrote KATIE. HAHA! Because all day long, Carter was bringing his sippy cup to her wanting juice. And goldfish. And snacks. And cookies. And , well, you know what all toddlers love! he was just being a little boy. Not to mention he has a little sister who still ate all that stuff! So, they began simply. NO MORE JUICE. At first he freaked. Would throw his sippy cup across the room and scream. For like 30 minutes, scream. SLOWLY he began accepting that juice was gone. Forever. And, maybe b/c he was thirsty, he would guzzle the water. I remember the last day that Katie went by McDonalds to get his favorite "hash browns and biscuit". We were both in tears as he said "ummm, this is delicious". Little knowing that would be something he would never have again. At least for 2 years. Maybe longer. But. Little prices to pay for a life without seizures!

So, the diet became their new life. And how hard it was.  First of all, remember, Katie is 7 months pregnant at this time. And trying to implement a new diet (that involved: weighing every morsel that went into Carter's mouth/ fixing tons of BUTTER/BACON for breakfast that he would scream over at first/ hearing him cry "I'm hungry!" or refusing outright to eat it. This went on and on and Katie cried a million tears over it. I would feel so helpless as I heard her sob on the phone telling me how Jon would spend a couple of hours forcing Carter to try a bite. And he had to eat EVERY bite. Sometimes he would throw it all up. He had to get into KETOSIS so that they could begin to see results. And that took awhile. They worked so closely with the Keto Clinic. (BTW, they were amazing. The call her back immediately when she calls---even one night when he ate some chocolate he found in her purse! and that was NEW YEARS EVE! Within 30 minutes, the call came. He would be OK, just a set back. But, never even had a set back, PTL). 

the first days of the new diet were sometimes brutal

and the TINIEST of portions

but , look! he's loving it!

November of 2015 was a month we all will never forget. Mimi was getting worse and baby # 3 was trying to come early. Because Katie's blood pressure shot up.  Kemp's b'day came and was celebrated. Paris was attacked. And Mimi went to heaven on Nov. 14th .  Then, Thanksgiving.  well, Thanksgiving this year was totally different for sure! I went to Atlanta b/c Katie wasn't feeling well and baby #3 was coming, SOON.  we fixed Carter his special Thankgsiving "feast" (of butter/bacon/ham and whipping cream!) and we started ours the night before. Well, on Wednesday night before Thanksgiving, I heard those words, "this is it, Mom". Off we went to the hospital. (Natalie/kids were there--planning on leaving early Thanksgiving morning). Guess what? they sent us home. Amid smells of the nurses stations of turkey/dressing and pie! Katie was down in the dumps. Jon was sleepy and GranJan was thinking of ways to get that baby here. (pineapple/ that tea that's supposed to help start labor ?). Nothing. So, on the night of the Alabama/AU game, right after we WON (RTR), Katie said, "this is it, Mom". (ARE YOU SURE?). Yes, it was real. OFF we went to the hospital after Jon's dad/step mom made it in the wee hours of Nov. 29th. BABY BECKETT arrives, beautiful/ safe and sound. PRAISE GOD because his umb. cord had a "true knot " in it. And she did it all without one bit of anesthesia. NOTHING. Those nurses went bonkers over Katie. Bragging about how incredible she did. She walked off the table 10 minutes after birth and sat in a rocking chair with her beautiful new baby. Yes.She.Did.

too gorgeous to have just had a baby, right?

So, life now was great. More complicated a bit with baby Beckett needing to eat himself (thank GOD of nursing!)! But Carter continued without a hitch. And now, 3 1/2 months later, he is doing FANTASTIC. Katie now has access to the entire Keto database which means Carter's "menu" is getting larger and larger. He loves his cheesecake (teensy but loves it!) and we even made him his very own CUPCAKE for Ella Kate's b'day party---CHOCOLATE cupcake!!!!! (coconut flour/unsweetened chocolate/ sugar free sweetner to name a few ingredients). It was amazing. He was so proud and happy and talked about "my cupcake" for a week.

His chocolate cupcake! (with Ryder looking on!)!

Carters special Mickey Mouse waffle (thanks, Alice, for the waffle maker!)

it's the little things that make this diet bearable!

So, going through the past 5 months has been a challenge for Katie/Jon. And they have accomplished much. They have climbed that mountain that they did not want to tackle, but did so with grace and love and support from SO many (many of you that are reading this!). From the sale of tee-shirts/ to the trip to Cincinnati/ to the KETO diet/ to figuring out how to manage a whole new diet ! I can't say enough about how incredibly amazing this young couple is. It wasn't without lots of tears or disappointing days ("I HATE THAT BACON!"  ..."I NOT eat that!" ) but Carter has come from a sick little boy with circles under his eyes whose head hit the table at least 3 times each morning---to a healthy little boy that now says "MAMA! That is DELICIOUS!" after eating his favorite meal (broccoli and cheese soup). From  eating spaghetti made with spaghetti squash to eating "whipped cream applesauce" our little 4 year old will go into his 5th year of life  , in April, one FREE of "stinky seizures" as he calls them.  He is a normal little boy again. Yes, he has a special diet. No, he can't go swimming without someone being with him the entire time. No, he can't go to a b'day party and have cake with the other children. But, YES, he can take his own "special" cupcake made just for  him.  we are thrilled. We are thankful. We are AMAZED. We sometimes, (especially when he is having a bad day and not wanting "that whipped cream, I HATE"), that he still continues to eat what he doesn't really like because I think God has let him know he needs to . Even though he didn't even know when he was HAVING a seizure, he knew he felt bad after. And he must feel SO much better. No more seizures. No more wearing a helmet (that was gone after one week!!!! PTL!!!). And we couldn't be more thankful.

So, now. If you had any doubts that miracles still happen today? Go read Part 1/2/3 again. Yes. Miracles happen. God uses sooooo many "ingredients" in so many miracles. Putting knowledge into the heads of men back in the 1920's (YES! that's when the diet was discovered!). Using medicines. Using new flours/ foods/ natural gifts from God to eat that change a person's life. Literally.

So, today, as I see this sun rising behind my computer, I have to say, again, THANK YOU , GOD. Thank You for the miracle of Carter. For the miracles that happen each day that we forget about. "missed wrecks". Medicines to eliminate colds/the flu. Miracles of birth. Miracles of slipping from death into eternity.

Thank You , God, for reminding me, this Lenten Season, that our family witnessed and is witnessing a miracle of enormous proportions. It is ongoing, this miracle. And I don't want to undermine it or forget about it during my day to day activities. In every pore of my being , I give God all the praise and glory to showing us your glory. Who would guess it would be seen in something so "ordinary" as food? Well, guess not.There was a certain thing called manna.....! (and it sustained lives for 40 years in the wilderness. Just sayin')!

#miracleongoing #thankYouGod #LentenJourney #carryingthecrossandlovingit #neverforgetmiracles #Cartersmanna

Day 25 (21 days till Easter!) Lenten Journey

Today is PART 2 of "Carter's Journey" . Which, in our family's case, is a part of our Lenten Journey as well. Because this Lenten Season we are filled with SO much happiness and thankfulness. I almost wish I could go away for 40 days and just thank God for giving us this precious boy back....here is the rest of his story (well, from where I left off! his story is continuing!)

After the Cullens trip back from Cincinnati, things did not improve. They had more information but that's about it. Carter was on many medicines. Some so strong that he had to have OTHER medicines to counteract those that could harm his liver, etc. It seemed all they did was crush pills and (try) and hide the taste in applesauce! Things were going ok., but not great. Probably in the late summer, Carter started having even MORE drop seizures. It seemed he couldn't do anything without that little head dropping (and hitting something). Katie was getting bigger (pregnancy-wise, let me make that clear! LOL) and Ella Kate was in the middle of the "terrible twos".AND, they were 3 hours (not counting traffic) from our front door. Not bad , EXCEPT, we are talking "Atlanta traffic". (you know how people in Alabama talk constantly about the weather? too hot/tornadoes/not enough rain/too much rain?)---well people in Atlanta talk constantly about THE TRAFFIC. with good reason. It is the worst I've ever seen. Right up there next to L.A. (and I don't mean Lower Alabama)!So, it isn't easy to "hop on over to Atlanta" for a visit. And, not too easy to pack up 2 kids and "hop home" either.  I can't remember the date,  it was in the Fall, but one morning Carter woke up and "didn't seem right" per Katie. He was like "in a fog"/ having LOTS of seizures, and having trouble talking. Jon was fixing to go to work and he felt the same way. In fact, it was so bad, they went to the hospital with him.   (to Children's Healthcare of Atlanta Scottish Rite). PANIC for us. Ella Kate could not go! 

Kelley to the rescue!

So, my sweet DIL, Kelley, offered to drive me over there--get Ella Kate and bring her back. Jon/Katie took Ella Kate with them to the hospital/ Jon sat in the car while we drove there and got her. (the only snafu of the trip was we went in the wrong parking deck and drove around in it---trying to get out for 15 minutes! HAHA!)! they admitted Carter and started more tests. More MRI's/ More Cat Scans, etc.  (they actually SENT THEM HOME,  shouldn't have, they were back in hospital in a day). Anyway, he was lethargic/ didn't even mind being in hospital/ slept a LOT. And having LOTS of seizures. During this time, I was so pulled. I had EK but I wanted to be both places!!!  My (very) pregnant daughter and many times alone with Carter b/c Jon had to run into work. Enter the DIVA. Natalie, (daughter #1) , called and told me "i want to go to the hospital. I've arranged things with the kids and I want to go and help". So off the girl went, to my GREAT relief. I knew Katie needed some "girl talk. Some crying. Some comforting. Some advice".  (and of course, I was texting them both constantly. LOL).  Thankfully for her, Natalie had never seen Carter have a seizure. Unfortunately that was to change. OH and in the middle of all this??? My sweet mother, MIMI, age 101, was going downhill. Fast. I was being pulled in so many different directions. And , oh how I talked to God during those times! (He didn't let me down, btw)....

SOOO many people wanting to know how he was doing!

Mimi, back home after hospital stay

Katie was exhausted. Hadn't eaten and was "eating for 2" but not even eating for ONE. When Nat got there, she sent Katie to the cafeteria and told her "TO EAT" and to take a walk. Carter had to go "potty" so Aunt NatNat got him up to take him. As soon as he got into the bathroom---BAM! He had a seizure and hit his head on the commode. Natalie went ballistic. It scared her to DEATH. She called the nurses and they came running. She called me sobbing. Katie, in the meantime, was eating lunch and when Natalie called her it didn't even faze her. She told her, "natalie this happens all day. Every day now". Natalie was shocked and saddened and determined to help out somehow. And that came when another set of doctors (besides the neurologists) came in. This doctor introduced himself as "the KETO Doctor).

unfortunately, he would go BACK to the hospital :(

Sorry to leave you hanging, but it's Sunday and I have to get all my Sunday School supplies together for my 3-4th graders AND we are picking up Daisy who wants to go with us (usually Kemp does, too but he is at a sleep over. Nat is singing at DUMC).

(everybody in Alabama knows where THIS road sign is! LOL!)

 

SOOOOOOOO, Part 3 of this incredible story continues! TOMORROW!!!!!!

Day 24 Lenten Journey

When I started thinking about writing in my blog again during Lent, I really didn't think I would do it every.single.day. But, by George, I have! there are a few I "skimped" on---the night of EK's b'day party (haha! Can we say exhaustion?) and a few others I didn't write much, but I'm surprised at my own self to be faithful to do it.  Never at a lack for words (I hear you snickering!), but I have, on occasion, had writer's block. Not these 40 days! God just pops topics into my mind. Either before I awaken, during the day, or with things that happen during the day. Just thought I'd tell you how I get my inspiration! Today's inspiration came, oddly enough, as I was sitting down here at my computer desk. (FYI, wish you could see what I'm seeing right now. My desk faces the backyard and the lake. Every morning(unless it's pouring rain!), I can see the sun rise as I type. Right now I see a black silhouette of tall pine tress with the red of the sunset behind them as the sun is peeking out behind. I can barely see the fence with the lake behind it at this point. But, as the minutes go by, it becomes more rosy and the yard becomes lighter and the lake comes into focus. Then, almost without warning, the bright sun just FLOODS the yard with sun/warmth and, well JOY!... It's so beautiful to see!). 
ANYWAY, today's blog inspiration comes from a picture that came on my desktop. I have it where pictures from the past several years "float" across my computer. The one that was here today is this one!And, without a doubt, I knew it was time to write about this little "Woody" guy in the photo with the mouse ears on. (sorry, Buzz Lightyear, not blogging on you today. LOL).

Oh my goodness, do I LOVE this picture, or what???  Carter and his hero that "came to life"!  Just look at that pix for a micro mini second. Carter has on WOODY mouse ears and TOY STORY pants and shirts. (if you don't know  "TOY STORY" don't feel bad. I didn't either. UNTIL my grandson became, well, obsessed. And he truly knows most of the THREE movies (Part 1/2 and 3!) word for word! He loves him some Toy Story!) In the above pix, he is meeting one of his heroes, BUZZ LIGHTYEAR. I am so thankful that I captured this picture. we didn't know what would come after that trip to WDW, but God did. He was leading us all on a journey, one year ago.It isn't a " Toy Story" but it's for SURE a  "Carter Story"......

 Here I am going to tell the story, PART ONE, of Carter. If you know all about the story, you might read again. Maybe there's a few details you didn't know. If you don't know the story, don't let it end at the bottom of the page. Because I will finish this in PART TWO, tomorrow!

Most know the journey our little Terry (Carter) Cullen has been on for the past 2 years. Briefly if you don't know.....Only 5 days into their move to Atlanta, Katie , our youngest child, was fixing breakfast for Carter and, at the time,  baby Ella Kate. She asked Carter what he wanted and no response. She said she didn't hear ANYTHING so she became concerned. When she walked into the playroom, he was lying on the floor. OUT. Like, she thought he had no heartbeat, out.  I don't even like to think about what was going on in her head, but it didn't take long b/c she was calling screaming on the phone "Carter is unresponsive mom!!!!!!!!! I just called 911!"! well, the next days/weeks/months became one of a mystery to be solved but it was concluded that he had Epilepsy.  And the way she found it was from a "grand mal seizure". It was shocking and sad and a journey we didn't know one thing about. Nor did we relish the thought of what that meant for Carter.  And all Katie/Jon did, it seem, was talk from doctor to doctor and read and study about something they wished they didn't have to. ....

At first, it seemed like he was OK.  we were hoping/praying it was a "one time thing"--that grand mal seizure. But, around this very time last year, they began to increase, these seizures. Not big, long lasting ones. But (we didn't know what they were  called  then, but now know they are"Drop seizures"). Like he would be walking and fall. And not remember it. He would stare off into space for sometimes up to a minute (try counting to 60 , it's longer than you think) and then he would "come back". Wanting only Katie. "hold me, mommy". Exhausted by it. (we found that having a small seizure like that is , for one his age, like running a marathon!).  Then, after about 30 minutes  he would be ok and play. Only to "fall out" again. And again. More frequently.......(If only BUZZ had known what little Carter had been through in that picture)......

After we returned from a great trip to WDW, (celebrating Ella Kate's 2nd b'day, so you know it was exactly one year ago!), the seizures stepped up again, as I mentioned. (He had a few in WDW, one on the monorail, but nobody noticed b/c it just looked as if he got tired and fell into his tray of his stroller for a moment). Back home in Atlanta in the mornings, he would be eating and BAM!!!!!!!! his head hit the table. Busting his lip. Over and over this would happen. Bruised eyebrows. Cut lips. Knots on his sweet little head....He would be walking and playing and BAM!!!!! he would fall and hit his head. we were freaking out over how often they were now coming.  And new MRI's and Cat Scans were ordered. "DROP SEIZURES"--seizures that popped up all in his brain which makes it harder to treat. That was discouraging news to say the least. 
And then.....Katie announces  to ME, on April FOOLS day, no less "I'm pregnant".  ...."hahahah! not funny, Katie. That joke is so old everybody does it. " But, guess what? It was TRUE! In the middle of their crisis, they find out baby #3 is coming in November. We were ALL shocked. But, of course, "baby freaks" that we are, were excited. But, being a mom of five, I know each additional child makes things so much for the better but , honestly, and in their case, much more complicated. And things with Carter were getting MUCH MORE complicated.....

Fast forward a few months. Katie's great pediatrician in Atlanta suggested what another of his patients had done. To go to this great hospital in Ohio---Cincinnati to be exact because they have a children's hospital there that specializes in seizures!YES! We had SOMETHING to give us hope!
So, it was off to:
http://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/service/c/epilepsy/default/  

To raise money for their trip there, (it took a mini second for them to decide to go!),  Katie came up with a great idea to sell tee-shirts with Carter's own logo on the front. It was a great idea and she sold SOOOO many!!!!!!! We decided to use "Carter artwork". Using his own little hands and feet to make the shirt cover. He was excited b/c we told him "No MORE STINKY SEIZURES" (which became his mantra!)

 It was getting brutal watching how the seizures were taking their toll on this little fella.  So we needed to hurry! 

The overwhelming response to this adorable shirt, (Katie named "SUPER CARTER" with his hand as the the cape and his foot as his body), was nothing short of amazing!!!! Every day people would post on mine and Katie's FaceBook pages photos of them wearing their "Super Carter Shirts" they had purchased. Family and friend support was amazing, to say the least. We had SUPER CARTER SHIRTS out the wazoo! LOL! My dining room table became a mountain of sizes of shirts from XXXL to newborn sizes! Katie was great at keeping all the receipts together and mailing them off. It gave her something to focus on, getting to Cincinnati and getting Carter's seizures under control, hopefully. And, it was soooo awesome to see people wearing Carter's hand/foot while out and about  and one night, Terry and I were eating dinner at a Mexican restaurant an in walked a friend wearing it!! Those kinds of days were awesome and we were (and are) still so very thankful to those who supported Carter by contributing to his "shirt fund" !!!!

So, off to Cincinnati they went , (with extra money in PayPal thanks to sales of the shirt) with Jon's mother as another pair of ears. We kept EK.  The trip there, they said, was ROUGH. (Carter got so tired that even now he says "NO MORE INTERSTATES, DADDY!")! Long trip but well worth it. They were amazed at the hospital. Katie was constantly texting me what was going on and sending pictures of the hospital, etc. The doctor took about 10 seconds to confirm that Carter had "generalized seizures" which can occur throughout his brain.  That his brain looked completely NORMAL (praise the Lord, we knew that but it helped to get that confirmation) and no worries about Autism or anything like that! (he is MUCH too social for that, lol!). The only thing he noticed was his speech was behind where it should be. Not surprising, poor Katie had to take him out of his beloved playschool in Atlanta b/c they called , every day, that he had 1. fallen out of his chair 2. fallen on the playground 3. hit his head on table. It was beyond upsetting and frustrating b/c he LOVED his playschool and the teachers there were sooo supportive and helpful and were so sad when Katie had to finally take him out. (*his speech is SO much better, although he still will probably need some speech therapy once they get back to B'ham. Yes, you read that right! They are going to move HOME!!!!!! PTL!)...Other news they heard:Probably won't outgrow the seizures. (ugh). Can't swim. Needs helmet. All that info was depressing.  But one tiny bit of hope :"often can be helped by DIET...........".

SO, thus ends my PART 1 of how God orchestrated our past year with Carter. NO, God didn't zap Carter with Epilepsy.  NO, Carter won't outgrow them but YES, God put  Katie/Jon in the exact place (yes, even Atlanta!), where they needed to find out everything there is to know about Epilepsy and Carter's care. As did Cincinnati.
 And, YES, God has walked every step of this journey with Katie, Jon and Carter!!! HOLDING them when they were crying. COMFORTING  them when it seemed it couldn't get worse. LOVING them through friends and strangers. Giving them STRENGTH (being pregnant, it was even harder) to make the journey. And giving them HOPE (the best part!) this past year....
  
So, that's all for today, folks.  PART TWO of this miraculous story continues.......TOMORROW! 

So, while this blog spot talks about Carter, it is also interwoven with SO much more. It's a GOD/CARTER  story, for sure. If you need some hope, tomorrow's blog is for you. If you need assurance there is a God, THE GREAT I AM, that heals and gives hope, you will be touched and, well, honestly, AMAZED. Come back. Just like on the Saturday before Easter, when the disciples were in the Upper Room, sobbing for their Lord, they didn't know what the next day would bring. Joy Untold. So with the Cullens..... stay tuned.

#journeythroLent #miraculousworks #longjourneyssometimes #despaircanbecomehope #carrythatcrosshigh

Day 23 Lenten Journey

This incredible photo I made while looking at the Vatican Art. Some of my pictures I was shooting so fast just to get some photos to look at details later b/c, of course, we were being slightly rushed along. This is one of those. I LOVE this painting! It is behind a grate b/c they want to preserve it from too much light/ human touch, etc. I assume they will, at some point, start restoration on it. (with the millions in there, it might take a million years to get around to it!). I imagine the painter of this understood all too well how if feels to be in prison.So, in case you didn't know, this is Paul in prison (well, duh, you say!). But, look at the details. All are asleep. Paul is asleep in his chains which are attached to the guards arms. It looks as if Paul is either asleep or deep in prayer. The guards on the right is asleep but the guard behind Paul has his shield up, it looks like, b/c of the appearance of the angel. I wonder----did they SEE the angel or just the angel's glory?  Paul hasn't seen her yet. She is reaching and touching him. It's like a snapshot before the prison break! It's awesome. And it brings to mind some thoughts from me. (oops. LOL)

Sometimes don't we all feel like we're chained to something?? Chained in a prison? I do. The chains of pity. The chains of self doubt. The chains of hurt. The chains of jealousy. The chains of unforgiveness.  I think we all have felt/feel that way sometimes. And just when we feel that the prison that holds  us is impenetrable, God will either reach down and free us Himself, or even send an angel. An angel in human form , most likely. There have been times when I have felt I was in a prison of my own doing.  where I feel like I'm almost in "solitary confinement" with no hope of escape. Thankfully, those days are not often! I am one who almost always sees the "glass half full". Thank goodness. But, there are some days when I begin to feel sorry for myself or worry about something and I get stuck deep in that prison.  I have to really look up for help at that point.  After looking at that picture, I might print that one out b/c it really is a good way to remember that God is always reaching towards us---either by God's own Hands or by His grace in sending us someone (an angel?) to spring us out of that prison we find ourselves in.

If you're feeling "locked up" just relax. God's got the key. And he might send an angel to "spring us out" . And there's nothing like a "prison break" when you feel you're incarcerated! 
Break free and run and enjoy the sunshine on your face after being in a dark prison. SONshine, that is.

#LentenJourney #paintingstellwonderfulstories #orangeisthenewblack #donotgetstuckinprison #Godisyourwarden # Hewillsetyoufree #breakfree

Day 22 Lenten Journey

Disappointment. I'm sure you've NEVER felt it.  Disappointment comes so often , in so many forms , often daily, to us as Christians. Disappointment in  work situations. Loss of job. Money woes. Vacation plans snarled. Disappointment in the government. In Family situations. In well laid plans. Disappointment in people, in general.

I was watching my guilty pleasure, "the Bachelor" . (unless you live under a rock, this show is about a young man who dates , like 34 women, and after about 2 months, chooses one that he, hopefully, will propose to at the end. Kinda lame concept but it makes for entertaining T.V.! And you truly start getting into the whole dating thing! pulling for the girl you want him to choose!). I was watching a recorded one yesterday, actually. The Bachelor is now down to 3 lovely ladies. And it's time to send another one packing. This adorable girl came bouncing in and hugged him and told him, "I'm in love with you. I just couldn't wait to tell you". The look on the the bachelor's face told the story. He wasn't in love with her.  He was very sweet/compassionate with her but told her that he wasn't in love with her. The look on her face? Well,  let me just say, that is DISAPPOINTMENT , friends. It was painful to watch. Her love for him in one scene all over her face. And after his remark, the DISAPPOINTMENT was hard to watch all over her beautiful face. And why DO we watch shows like that ? Because we've all felt that way! Maybe not getting rejected on national T.V. , but we've had moments where we were so disappointed we , too, wanted to sob and flee. And we feel the disappointment will never, ever end.

Jesus knew about disappointment. Mary and Martha were seeking Him out one day. Why? their beloved brother had died and he was a dear friend of Jesus. One of my favorite verses (writing this makes even me laugh, since I have about ten million "favorites) is short/sweet/profound. "Jesus Wept". John 11:35. JESUS wept. Jesus cried when Mary told him. Was Jesus disappointed , even though He knew He could raise him from the dead? YES. I believe he was. Deep disappointment that His friend suffered and died.  we have all know that kind of suffering. Loss of a friend. A life. A dream for what could have been. 

Max Lucado is my favorite Christian author. His understanding of the scriptures coupled with amazing and deep thoughts just paint a beautiful and realistic understanding of the Word of God and Jesus to me. I LOVE to read his books.  I also get devotions from him in email and this was a smidgen of today's from "You'll Get Through This" by Max Lucado:

"You’ll get through this. You fear you won’t. We all do. We fear that the depression will never lift, the yelling will never stop, the pain will never leave. Here in the pits, surrounded by steep walls and angry brothers, we wonder, Will this gray sky ever brighten? This load ever lighten? We feel stuck, trapped, locked in. Predestined for failure. Will we ever exit this pit?

Yes!

Out of the lions’ den for Daniel, the prison for Peter, the whale’s belly for Jonah, Goliath’s shadow for David, the storm for the disciples, disease for the lepers, doubt for Thomas, the grave for Lazarus, and the shackles for Paul. God gets us through stuff. Through the Red Sea onto dry ground (Exodus 14:22), through the wilderness (Deuteronomy 29:5), through the valley of the shadow of death (Psalm 23:4), and through the deep sea (Psalm 77:19)".


Many days , just when life is going so perfectly you want to scream (and sometimes do), "Life is amazing! thank you, Jesus!!!!", you get a "bachelor goodbye". You put all your eggs in one basket and sigh and say "this is perfect". And one egg smells. Rotten. Disappointment sets in, once again. But you can do one of two things, I've learned.  
1. throw all the eggs out and thus miss blessings of all the others
2. remove the one rotten egg and say to yourself "this too shall pass". And chunk it out the window. *great lesson from JLPF. haha

Yes, life is FULL of disappointments, as we all know. Jesus didn't promise we wouldn't have them. He did promise to be there when huge disappointments come our way. If you have a loss of a dream, start creating another. If you are disappointed deeply in someone, don't give up on them, just pray for them. If you get a fish sandwich instead of the Big Mac you ordered, try the fish. It might taste better!

Disappointments suck. When they come, squeeze back the tears and pull yourself up. Search diligently for the rainbow in the storm cloud. You  might not see all the colors of the rainbow, but you'll get a glimpse of one color. More than likely, the whole rainbow will come later, when you least expect it.

#lentenjourney #disappointmentsux #Jesusunderstoodit #trythebigmac 

Day 21 Lenten Journey

PRAYING FOR STRANGERS?

Have you ever had someone come into your mind, that you've never even met before, and felt the need to pray for them? *(I'm not talking about dreams of someone , although guess who I dreamt about last night? MIMI! I dreamt that Terry was going to take her FISHING , bahahaha, and I was worried she would get too tired. She was sitting in her wheel chair when I finally found them, and I asked her "are you tired?" and she just smiled. I told Terry and the people around them, "She is 100, I'm afraid this fishing trip might be too much for her!" Now, how weird is that?! But, just seeing her smile , in my dream last night, was the best. Thank you, God.)*  Anyway, back to "stranger prayer requests". This is something that happens to me pretty often. Sometimes , it's someone I have met in passing. An acquaintance.Other times it's someone I see, like somewhere, out, and I will keep thinking about them ( know, ok, gotta pray for them today). And, the weirdest, sometimes it's someone who is either on the media or a celebrity even. It's bizarre. 

I read this book once about this woman who did just that--she felt the urges to pray for someone, like every day. Only she takes her calling a step further. She TELLS the person she is praying for them. *OUCH*.  She said she argued to God about doing it so many times, but did it anyway.And the results were unbelievable. Some she never knew what happened but most times when she felt the need to tell someone she was praying for them (strangers!), they would say "HOW DID YOU KNOW?"... Well, I have done it a FEW times. The thing is, you feel kind of dumb doing it, at least I do. I feel uncomfortable and weird. I've even written letters to a few of them, thinking to myself  "they will never see this. They will never care about this. They will never respond to this".  I argue to GOD: "Stranger Danger! I might appear extroverted, but I'm really NOT, God. And, God, btw, I hate greeting on Sundays in church. I'm truly a  half-Introvert (He doesn't respond to that, FYI, haha). "And then, that still small Voice says "it doesn't matter. you do what I ask you to do".  And then I hear this: "it's not about you". WHOA. What???? Life isn't all about Janice Louise Powell Fry? Shocker.

So, ok., you're asking: What do you do with this weird info you have gotten about someone (regarding praying for them)?  I just go with it.  And, most times, just pray for them. Like, their face might pop up a gazillion times. Even in the middle of the night. Love that. NOT. But, I say a quick (really quick) prayer and say "ok, God. Done. Now what? Goodnight, God."  No answer. Just the nagging face of the person I need to pray for will come back. Again and again.Sometimes, I know God is gently encouraging me to tell that person. I would give some examples, but , again, it's not about ME, it's about them.And I won't and will not share things I know b/c that defeats the point. But, the few times I've done what I'm supposed to and let them know? the responses I have had? Pretty significantly amazing, to be honest.  Thankfully, God will only give me one person to focus on for awhile. but, past faces still pop up sometimes. And , when they do, I will again, say a quick prayer.  All I know is that this weird thing is just one small thing God asks  of me, JLPF.  If I hear back from someone, well, great! If not, I still pray. (and hope I never run into them. LOL).  What do I pray for, for them? If I have details, I'll pray for that. If not, if it's just a face, I go with what I have/know/have heard about them  and just pray for them. I know, I know, it's weird. Believe me, it's weird. And even weirder to write them I do that. But, maybe you have had the same thoughts about someone? That urgent feeling to pray for someone? Write to someone? I say, go with your gut and know it's God. It's just simple math. And you know I don't know MATH- MATH, but this is simple:  Gut feeling + Face + Prayer+  equals "God-called-you-to-do-it. " Don't second guess yourself like I have. That book I read just confirmed to me that my gut instinct was right all along. (don't ask me the name of the book, heck I read so much I can't even remember). But, if you have ever had that kind of urging in your spirit, not your intellect, go with it. Your INTELLECT will tell you, "don't do it. You'll make a fool of yourself. Don't write that letter. don't call that person. Forget about it. It's all about YOU."  Your spirit, so connected with the HOLY Spirit ,will gently prod you. It will not demand your obedience, but will encourage you  to do things.(I love this about God. He doesn't force us to do things for Him. It's all in our court whether to pick that tennis ball up and hit it or not!). This blog would "blow up" if wrote down all the missed opportunities I have had . Let me say, LOTS. when I KNEW I should've said something. Written something. DONE something. But, thankful for a God who gives me, JLPF, 2nd/3rd/4th and gazillion opportunities.  My biggest stumbling block is my own self. I'm ready to kick down some stumbling blocks during these 40 days. Let the pieces fly as God would have them.
amen.and amen. thus sayeth JLPF.

 #learningsomethingsthisLentenJourney #itstaken21days #thankful4Lent #thankful4Godwholovesme #bringonthestrangers #kickstrangerdanger

Day 20 , Lenten Journey

I love this! You only  need to BE STILL. That's something I've ALWAYS had a problem with! Starting with kindergarten onwards! I think I spent more time IN THE HALL than in the classroom in First Grade.  I was a teensy little kid, (yeah, really!), and I learned how to flatten my little body against the wall when the Principal, Mr. Simmons, would walk by. He occasionally would see me and would waddle over and  say, "now, Janice, why are you standing in the hall?" and I would fidget and bite my bottom lip , trying to look all sad and cute at the same time and say (as I forced tears in my eyes) : " Mr. Simmons, I never stood in the hall in kindergarten!"  (I was also a little liar). He was a rotund little short man, and he would kind of "jiggle" when he moved and would bobble that short fat head on that  "no neck short fat body" and would say, as he pointed his short fat finger in my face: "do I need to call your mother?" (OK, forgive me. I have written  "short, fat. neck. bobble." too many times). But, seriously!  I can see him now. He had on a suit. He was old (probably around 40 , lol). He looked to me like a troll with warts on his face. Nightmarish kind of man.  I would tremble and beg forgiveness. (Mr. Simmons knew both my parents, unbeknownst to me , probably had a good chuckle over telling them my antics!)!* Lord, forgive me for writing terribly about a man who was probably very nice but , hey, I'm writing from my 6 year old memories! *Anyway, Mr. Simmons scared me to death , but I wouldn't be thinking of him when I would be chatting away in the classroom. Or hiding under coats in the "CLOAK ROOM". Or sneaking the chalk and writing on the board tic tac toe.(the only thing I ever got to write on the board was: "Janice will not talk in class" about a hundred times! But,  I was just be being me. A little wild , untamed sprite who loved to play/play/play and could NOT sit still. *(please don't tell my grandsons this story. As I write, I see now exactly where they get their energy from!)!* The only time I would sit still was for 2 things. 1.When the teacher would read to us ("Five Little Peppers and How They Grew"), or  2. when we learned spelling words. Loved to read and spell. (only I guess I missed some spelling too b/c I sure have a lot of misspelled words per spell check!).  Math? Um, just ask Terry today how my math is. I think I was "in the hall" when Math was being taught!

So, being still was/still is an issue for me. NOW, I've transferred my "inability to be still" towards anything that requires a lot of concentration. (Teachers, yes, I would/should still be on some type of A.D.D. meds! ) . I love to read tho! And can stay focused on a book until I drop over in sleep. T.V.? not so much, unless it's something I'm really enjoying. Going to a movie? Hate to.  Balance my account? Drudgery.  Parties? Something I'd rather skip. I'd much rather go to lunch with one friend. But, give me a good book, by the ocean (lake , in my case, most days) and sit me in the sun. Or porch swing. I can BE STILL then.  Hallelujah! ......But, what if the weather is wack-o and there's not a good book? And I need to do a little Bible Study???? Ok., some days, or rather MOST days,  I feel like little skinny Janice in First Grade again. I am too antsy to settle down. SO, what I do is this----I find a study of some sort that appeals to me!....**WARNING: OFF THE BEATEN TRACK HERE :Here is another funny about me and reading and BIG T and reading. (that is probably a compound sentence but, sorry. I don't remember that stuff. English teachers reading? Be gentle with me). ...Terry loves deep and serious readings about the Bible. Books 40 inches thick using words I don't understand. He gets those books. He understands those somewhat antiquated phrases of speech  (no offense those incredible works, just my understanding of them)--many written many years ago, regarding: the life of Christ. or Discipleship. Or deciphering Scripture. He gets that big stuff. ME? A.D.D. person that I am, I am more in tune with doing workbooks that make me get out of my comfort zone (even tho most times I stay in my comfort place)/  Christian books that have a witty but still sharp edge/ books that give me details (which I love) about Jesus/  books that whet my appetite for more but that cause me to change. Even if it's a teensy change.  Terry and I laugh b/c I am always about the JOY and he's always about the Judgement. But, he's my "ying" to my "yang". He is serious and I'm winsome. But it's not always that way-- Most times, tho, yes it is. I will scour the aisles in Christian book stores for those very kinds of works. And there are lots of them! And I want to write some!!!! ( *sigh. one day.)**
.So, when I FINALLY get still  (and you're thinking, reader, she's so A.D.D. she can't keep her BLOG on track! I know you're thinking that!)-- but, stay with my un-still mind for a minute!!!! When I DO sit still, I do love to sit on the swing and go into it. Dive right down into the words and words that still make me cringe today:  BE STILL. And , guess what? It's easy. It's rewarding. It's like no other feeling ever. By being still, I feel peace. (It's so easy, why can't I do it more often?) God made me. And you. You might be like Terry and love to read deep and profound readings. Hat's off to you!!! or you might be like me and need lots of wordy descriptions and hands on stuff. Whatever you find, I say, go for it. Find a place to go and.......BE STILL. Even if you have to train your mind to do so. 

I think I'm a good kids Sunday School teacher b/c I understand where most of their little brains are. (no comments from the "peanut gallery"!)! They are still at an age (3-5th grade) where, even an hour of sitting still in Sunday School could be torture. I keep them active but making them think and then----we sit still.  Katie gave me some "picture cards" that were used in her Small Group and suggested I use them. You look at the picture (they are printed on cards sort of like post cards---of all KINDS of scenes/people/places etc)  and there are questions that you ask as you show the picture. (I made my questions up for them). The kids LOVE these!!!!!!!  As they look and  stare at and think about the image on the card (thus,  being still) then they write down what the picture says to them, and share their thoughts.   I am amazed at their imagination and  Christian understanding. As I watch their faces as they  stare at the picture cards and make them be still while looking at it,  for even a micro-second, I can see they are learning to do what the scripture I started with. "The Lord will fight for you , you need only to be still".
Be Still. He will fight for you.


#Lenten Journey #Bestill #itshardbutworthit #Jesusgetsyou #comeasyouare