This has been a wonderful Lenten season. And already the 40 days is almost up! Starting next week is Holy Week and as we travel through Jesus' last days, it is always bittersweet for me. I know the end of the story, the disciples did NOT. I KNOW He rose from the dead, but those with Him that last week had no clue. I can only imagine how the disciples felt. A mixture of puzzlement and questioning and, then, after their Lord was arrested: Pure fear. We can say we wouldn't have left Jesus, and I hope I wouldn't have, but , each one of them were frightened and had no idea what to do. I often wonder what my reaction would've been. More than likely, just like theirs.
Speaking of, I've felt that way many times, myself. Just like the disciples, I find myself walking the road with Jesus by my side, and suddenly, out of nowhere comes some near "disaster". I am confused, frustrated and, sometimes even frightened like they were. Wondering why He isn't there . The problem isn't with Jesus, it's with me. He hasn't moved a step but I am flailing like a fish out of water, gulping deep breaths of air , dying. And then, a hand grips mine and reminds me I am not alone. I happen to know the end of the story and so I should hold tight to that but even knowing Jesus rose and lives again, I oftentimes find myself as scared as those disciples were. Until that grip on my hand brings me back....
During this time of Lent, I have tried to really read more scripture as I worked in my Illustrating Bible each day. Not just coloring/painting and doodling, (and I've done plenty of that!), but really reading. (surprise surprise). The more i read, the closer I feel to Him, just as I always do when I put Him first. Then why, I ask myself, do I let myself slip back into old ways after Lent? Old habits? For now, I'm loving that time in the early morning before the phone rings and the busy day begins. My morning begins at my craft table and I cannot explain the joy that comes from that. My coffee, my paintbrush, my Bible and my God. It makes for a great morning, let me tell you!
Another interesting thing has happened during my Lenten Journey. In 2 weeks I am going to Jamaica with Terry to teach the ladies Bible Journaling while he figures out what needs to be done with teams this summer. I'm nervous, as it's my very first trip there. I feel I know the ladies, he has told me countless stories about them . After all, he's been going almost 30 years to the same place, four times a year, at least and they always asked him about me and want to meet me. When he's gone to Jamaica, I've kept "the home fires burning" and never truly felt that was my calling. I know it's his calling (man, Terry is definitely the most mission minded person I've ever met!), but I never felt called to go. But when he asked me to go a few weeks ago I knew, without a doubt, it was time. It's time for me to go with him while we can go together. "Before we get too .....OLD", he says. (yikes).
I worry about giving the ladies these Bibles, with all the art supplies to go with them when they hardly have a decent bed to sleep in. Most have no running water. Will they think it extravagant? Will they think it a sacrilege to draw in these pretty Bibles we are taking them? Will they understand what I'm trying to tell them about using their creative sides to journal and draw for the Lord? I wonder and yet I know God is telling me to take every scrap of knowledge I have to share. And I will. I'm excited about it and nervous at the same time. And know my life will be changed afterwards.
So, here it is a little more than a week till Easter. I have chosen to be gone from Facebook during Lent, like I've done the past 3 years and I must admit I truly haven't missed it!. And just like before, I feel more refreshed/energized and closer to God without spending half my morning scanning facebook. Yes, I love my friends on there and miss their posts. But, I found I spent way too much time each morning wasting time that I could be spending doing something for God. Sounds a bit pompous, but it's true. In the mornings I have chosen to spend that time Bible Journaling, and writing. Strangely, my "word" for this year is COURAGE. Am I courageous enough to step back for a bit longer? Courageous enough to travel to Jamaica to greet people who have so little while I have way too much? Courageous enough to continue doing the work God has called me to do? Courage to continue answering the call God has called me to do which is primarily: writing. And this time, THIS TIME, I have done so without reservation, without embellishing my personal journal (in other words, I ain't perfect!), and being truly transparent. Being courageous while writing with honesty is a bit like walking outside naked! while I haven't done THAT, I have been writing naked. And how freeing it has been. Now to find a publisher!
Yes. It has been quite the Lenten journey this year........ stay tuned.
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